Clearly, tonight has been one of those nights where I have no idea what happened or why I am up right now with no idea of what the last two hours entailed. But ya know what? I fucking love him, and I will go to the ends of this Earth to figure out how a fully functioning marriage works because by God, I can't imagine life without this wonderful, sexy, incredibly smart & talented man by my side because I don't want to.
I feel like I have never been married before because marriage has never felt like 'this' before. 'This' means scary & real &, did I mention, scary? It means stupid arguments over text messages and completely misreading each other some nights. It means screwing up and having no idea how to push the reset button, but trying (and failing) to push it anyway. It is all of the hugs and kisses and love you could ever possibly want, but maybe not all in one night. It is not knowing what the fuck I am talking about, but absolutely loving and appreciating the man fast asleep beside me because there is no other soul on this planet that I would rather do this life with.
Marriage: it's funny and terrifying and completely fly-by-night. Spencer, what the hell are we doing? I don't know, but I want more. I know I am crazy and confusing and you know what? I love you.