Sunday, January 17, 2010

Running on Empty

It's really starting to settle in that I'll be leaving Korea in a less than a week. Jesse is having a hard time dealing with it, which makes it hard for me to show my excitement. I really AM excited though, but I feel like by getting excited, I'm somehow showing him that I want to get away from him. He's worried that our families or friends are going to think the reason I'm coming home for some time with Cori is because we're having problems. I don't personally think anyone will think that, but really you never know, I guess. Luckily, he will be home just three weeks after we arrive. He will then stay for about two weeks, and then fly back alone. Unfortunately, he'll then have five whole weeks without us, and I just feel terrible about that. The only reason I'm not flying home until mid-April is because he was supposed to take leave from early-mid April and we were going to fly home together. Then, he changed his leave dates around, but we'd already booked my return flight. I feel really bad about that, but I don't think I could change my dates around without lots of fees.

I've had next to no motivation lately. I haven't been motivated to make big dinners, or even clean. I have no problem doing everything to take care of Cori including diaper changes, feedings, baths, whatever. I just feel like ever since Cori was born, all of my motivation for those house wifely duties has gone out the window. I'm hoping that once I go back to America and re-energize, those motivations will come back to Korea with me.

I really don't have much else to say tonight. I've been sleepy lately, and not feeling the best. I hope it passes soon.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Lonely Thinker

Jesse was called away to a traffic accident earlier, and he's been gone for the better part of the evening. He ended up feeling woozy while away at work, and I can only hope he gets feeling better soon. He has a 24 hour CQ shift tomorrow. CQ means, I think, 'Charge of Quarters'. It's a simple shift, but long and boring. He just sits up at the MP Company with a Katusa (Korean soldier) for 24 hours, takes any necessary phone calls that might come into the company, and basically just watches over things when no one else is there. Hopefully, the shift will fly by for him and it won't be too bad. I just hope he gets home soon since it is past midnight now and he'll have to leave for his CQ shift in about 8.5 hours.

I haven't really thought about being away from Jesse while Cori and I are on vacation, but it hit me tonight when I was wishing he were home. I would never for a moment compare my 'missing him' to someone who husband is deployed or stationed far away, or even away at some kind of training, but I do miss him when he's gone to work. I almost feel like I won't have any right to miss him while I'm in America because we'll be separated by choice. I am just really not looking forward to being apart for 2+ months. I'll deal, he'll deal, and I'm sure by the time the time is up, I'll have realized just how fast it flew by, but still… I'm really going to miss him. I'm not looking forward to sleeping alone, no goodnight gusses, or huggies and shoogies. All of the cute things we do for each other every day. Thank goodness for internet, webcams, and Skype!

Cori normally falls asleep around 9:30 or 10pm, but tonight she didn't fall asleep until about 20 minutes ago, right around midnight. She's passed out beside me, and sleeping like a beautiful, little angel. I don't know if I'll ever be able to transition her to sleeping on her own full time, not that we're thinking about doing that any time soon anyway. There is really nothing that beats waking up next to a smiley, 'ah-goo'-ing, bright, little, beautiful face. It's really hard to be mad/sad/upset when you're staring at a face so happy and innocent.

Anyway, since Cori's fast asleep and Jesse's still at work, I'm going to go play my DS and wait for my husbean to make his way home. Thanks for keeping up, readers.