Tuesday, January 14, 2014
In spite of it all, in spite of all the hurt I've faced, I am lucky. I am loved, and I am lucky. He is my hope, my breath of fresh air after such a long suffocation. Through him, with him, I see love, and smiles, and laughs. Just let it be, Hilary, just let it be. Don't stifle happiness and that which is meant to be, with your unnerving fear of failure. You know that feeling you get around him? When you look in his eyes, and your heart starts pounding; all of the sudden, you feel like you're free falling, and your insides are stirring, wanting more. Allow yourself to feel that, fears aside. Believe in love. Picture your life as you want it, and make your dreams come true. Trust undeniably that good things can happen. Love exists, but, Hilary, you've got to have a little faith.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
And he took me away from that torturous land.
When I met Spencer, I was in such a strange spot. I had not only been recently broken up with, but to really make things fun, I was just a month out from my divorce being finalized. I remember seeing his pictures when he first messaged me on a dating website. His profile didn't especially stick out to me, but I thought he was cute and seemed down to earth. I wish, so much, that I could read those first messages back and forth between us now, to see what kind of sparks we had, what kind of things we talked about during those initial introductory messages. I know the conversation must have gone well because we exchanged numbers fairly quickly, and began to text pretty much constantly. We started talking on a Saturday morning because I remember him telling me "I better go, time to play Daddy for awhile, but I'll text you later on". For some reason, it melted me a little bit. He was a proud daddy, not afraid to let me know that his son came first.
We met in person within our first week of meeting online, and I can still remember the day very well. We met at Carolina Ale House in downtown Greenville. When I came up the stairs that day, he sat at the bar to my right, chatting with an acquaintance he'd run into. I was nervous that day, afraid I wouldn't recognize him when I saw him in person, but I saw his smile immediately, and knew it was Spencer. At the time, I never imagined he'd one day be my Spencer. Our conversation was warm that night, with so much laughter, and so much chemistry. We moved from upstairs to downstairs, and stayed for several hours. When we left to walk to our cars, I remember wanting to kiss him so much. The spark between us had been obvious, but my nerves kept me from leaning in for anything more than a hug.
Our texting conversations exploded from there. I left for Louisiana within the next couple of days, and we talked our fingers off. I swear we could have sent a thousand text messages for every day that I was away. We grew close, despite the distance, and my heart made room for sweet Spencer. For many weeks, we tested boundaries, and tried not to hurt each other. We each had our own baggage, but we were two people who needed each other, whether it was for love or for friendship.
I don't know what made me recollect those memories, but they make me happy to think upon. It's a bit unbelievable that I have fallen so hard in love with a man in so little time. It's scary and wonderful and perfect. He took my hand, and guided me away from a place where I didn't know what was up and what was down. He wrapped me in his love, and he wiped away my fears.
Yesterday, he wrote a poem that turned my heart into a thousand little butterflies that floated up high into the stars. It was perfect. I feel like the luckiest lady on the planet with Spencer by my side.