I've often thought how whirlwind the last few years have been, and I find myself thinking that with every year that passes. I've come to the conclusion that the past few years being a whirlwind is no coincidence. Life, in general, is apparently extremely whirlwind, and it'll be that way forever, or at least for the foreseeable future.
I've basically skipped having three kids altogether, and am essentially going straight from two to four. In the past, I've had one child, and then two of my own, and then my boyfriend and thus, his son, entered the picture. And then my boyfriend proposed, and I found myself trying to grasp having a stepson one day. But, it was mostly always my kids plus his son. Since getting pregnant with my third though, and my fiance's second, I've somehow gone from trying to grasp having a stepson to actually feeling like he's one of my own. One of our own. In class earlier this week, I caught myself telling someone I was "about to have my fourth" when someone asked if I was expecting my first baby. Fox isn't just my fiance's son anymore, he's one of ours. I love him like I love my own. I have a hard time understanding him sometimes, something I've just attributed to the fact that he's not my flesh and blood, but in all reality, I have just as hard a time understanding my daughter most days, and she's straight from the womb. Somehow, he and I - well, we've found ourselves parents to four kids.
I am in awe of Spencer nearly constantly. I've had my hormonal moments while pregnant... to be expected, of course. I've found myself taking his typical sarcastic jokes to heart. I sit there, my mind telling me "don't take this personal. Seriously, it's not that serious. You know he's joking just like you always do. Stop. Now. Seriously, don't be upset about this". And yet, my heart is welling up with hurt and tears and biting back my overly emotional reaction. I've been tough to live with, I'm sure, and yet, he's pretty much handled it like a pro. It's ridiculous how often I feel that stupid, giddy feeling when I think about him. I find out he's on his way home, and I get so excited to hear the garage door open and his Jeep door slam. He sends me a simple "how are the kids doing?" text after he knows I've picked them up from school, and it makes my whole day feel better. I just find myself loving him more everyday, and I can't imagine that feeling ever going away. I can't wait for him to hold our daughter. I know that my love will grow by leaps and bounds when we've made it through to the other side of this pregnancy, and his daddy's girl is here to greet the world.