Sunday, May 22, 2011

Edging closer.

Tomorrow, I'll be full term and I. Am. Ready. I've realized today that there really is no comfortable way to use a lap top computer when you are 9 months pregnant. You can't set it on your lap because your gigantic belly is in the way. You can't lay back and rest it on your belly because that's just uncomfortable, and, let's face it, the baby is going to try to kick it off. It's a good thing we don't have to leave the house too much because one of the only things that even fits me at this point is Jesse's marshmallow PT pants from BCT. I tried putting on some of my workout pants the other day to lay around in, and, surprise surprise, they wouldn't move an inch over my hips. Needless to say, I am so ready to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes and stop feeling like a whale. :) Honestly, it is a little bittersweet since this is the last time I'll be pregnant. It's weird to think about, but I'm pretty confident two kids is all that Jesse and I will ever want. I'm excited to watch the scale drop back down so that I'm finally back into my weigh comfort zone. I hope that the weight will fall off as effortlessly as it did after I had Cori, but I don't know how realistic that really is. I somehow managed to lose 70 lbs by 6 months postpartum with Cori, which put me 20 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight. If I was able to do the same thing this time, I would be below my ideal weight by about 10 pounds. It's a nice thought, but I'm not getting my expectations too high. I hear the weight gets tougher to lose the more pregnancies you go through, so I'll just have to wait and see what my body decides to do.

37 weeks tomorrow. 37 weeks! That's a little hard to believe. :) Dearest Avery, if you want to wait for Aunt Stephanie to get here before you make your appearance, I totally understand. However, if you just really feel like coming out before then, I could totally get on board with that. Just make sure you're done cooking. :)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Prepping for two.

In an hour and 45 minutes, I will be 36 weeks pregnant. Thirty. Six. Weeks. In roughly a month, we will welcome our little Avery William to the world and life as we know it right now will be no more. Cori will become a big sister, and life will certainly get quite a bit more hectic than it is right now. I'm trying to enjoy these last few "quiet" (ha!) weeks before I become a mama of two. I've been thinking about how simple and easy the moments are when I'm being handed cups and plates from the dishwasher by Cori. Little Avery is nestled safely inside, and I don't have to worry right now about whether he needs a diaper change, or whether it's time to nurse him yet again, or why he just won't stop crying. Cori gets my full attention, and I worry about the day when I won't be able to give that to her anymore.

I'm sure I can't be the only mother out there who worries about how I will divide my love and attention between two children instead of just one. I know the capability to evenly spread my love between children is there, but I just can't fathom it. I look at Cori and it almost hurts how much I love her. I can't imagine life without her, and I just can't begin to picture how it will feel to have that kind of love for another child soon. I love my little Avery now, but I don't know him. He has no personality now, and I don't know what he looks like. I don't know anything about him, so I can't really imagine what it will be like once he is born and I start to get acquainted with him. I know he will be perfect, but I wonder what will make him perfect.

To be honest, it's been tough for me throughout this pregnancy to get on board with the idea that Cori will have to share the spot for number one. I forget now what I thought motherhood would be like when I was pregnant the first time, and I know that sooner than later, I will forget what I imagine motherhood to two will be. I'm excited for it, no doubt, and as ready as I think that I can be, but I do worry that it will be a tough adjustment.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Something to think about.

I realized when I woke up this morning that today would have been the day that I received my Bachelor's Degree from Coastal Carolina University had I continued there past my freshman year. I hadn't really thought about it at all, but when I logged onto Facebook and saw the various statuses from old college classmates about the day they'd been waiting and working so hard for, it hit me that it actually is May of 2011, the month I thought I'd be walking across that blessed stage. I'm not regretful, but it did give me a little something to think about.

I may not have that shiny piece of pretty paper with my Bachelor's degree stamped across it, but I do have a boatload of memories I never would have created had I stayed a full-time college student in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I wouldn't be married to my best friend, and I wouldn't wake up every morning to the cutest little toddler waving at me from her toddler bed into her video monitor that I roll over and look at the moment I open my eyes. I wouldn't be 9 months pregnant with my second child, and I wouldn't be living the life of an Army wife. I wouldn't have spent 2 years living in a foreign country, or seen the many unbelievable sights that I have seen, care of this crazy Army life.

Do I wish I was finishing the undergraduate chapter of my life today? Of course. But some things you just can't trade. I know I don't live the life that a lot of 21 year olds would be all that tempted to live at this age, but I love it. Despite the screaming toddler tantrums, the early morning wake up calls when you just wish you could have ten more minutes of sleep, the occasional marital spat, the financial troubles that come with being a full-blown grown up, and the days when I all want to do is throw my hands up to responsibility and crawl into the bed of my teenhood with the covers pulled over my head... despite all of that, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My husband is my rock, and my daughter is my sunshine. So maybe I did give up the plan that I was "supposed" to follow, but I sure did get a lot in exchange. I'll take my current 39 college credits and keep trudging along, 2 or 3 classes at a time, until I finish because, really, I'm living my best life. And for me, that's the best thing I can do.