Sunday, May 15, 2011

Prepping for two.

In an hour and 45 minutes, I will be 36 weeks pregnant. Thirty. Six. Weeks. In roughly a month, we will welcome our little Avery William to the world and life as we know it right now will be no more. Cori will become a big sister, and life will certainly get quite a bit more hectic than it is right now. I'm trying to enjoy these last few "quiet" (ha!) weeks before I become a mama of two. I've been thinking about how simple and easy the moments are when I'm being handed cups and plates from the dishwasher by Cori. Little Avery is nestled safely inside, and I don't have to worry right now about whether he needs a diaper change, or whether it's time to nurse him yet again, or why he just won't stop crying. Cori gets my full attention, and I worry about the day when I won't be able to give that to her anymore.

I'm sure I can't be the only mother out there who worries about how I will divide my love and attention between two children instead of just one. I know the capability to evenly spread my love between children is there, but I just can't fathom it. I look at Cori and it almost hurts how much I love her. I can't imagine life without her, and I just can't begin to picture how it will feel to have that kind of love for another child soon. I love my little Avery now, but I don't know him. He has no personality now, and I don't know what he looks like. I don't know anything about him, so I can't really imagine what it will be like once he is born and I start to get acquainted with him. I know he will be perfect, but I wonder what will make him perfect.

To be honest, it's been tough for me throughout this pregnancy to get on board with the idea that Cori will have to share the spot for number one. I forget now what I thought motherhood would be like when I was pregnant the first time, and I know that sooner than later, I will forget what I imagine motherhood to two will be. I'm excited for it, no doubt, and as ready as I think that I can be, but I do worry that it will be a tough adjustment.

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