Like I said, I'm luckier than I should be and I don't really know how the man jackpot hit me when I am so very undeserving. He loves me wholly, he challenges me daily, and he literally makes me feel like my heart could beat out of my chest when I stop and think about this life I have with him. He puts up with my bullshit, doesn't make me feel (too) silly about my erratic emotions and the roller coaster that has been my adult life. He keeps it real and helps me to heal, especially when I wrongly think that I am already all glued back together. I'm not sure what he saw in this mess of a soul, but I will forever be indebted to this compassionate man for seeing beauty where I only saw wreckage.
Friday, December 11, 2015
I am unworthy of my husband. At least... I often feel that way. He is kind and hardworking and he loves me. Me. Good & bad. I have an unsavory past and it has not been an easy pill to swallow for myself or those close to me. Coming to grips with many of the poor choices I have made in my life has been a hard fought battle. It is not fair that I have managed to snag a man that loves me in spite of my lesser qualities. Those include, but are not limited to, my diarrhea of the mouth syndrome, my brutal honesty paired with my inability to reason other people's feelings, my periods that lacked critical thinking skills. I was a hopeless wreck that somehow got her act together and all (most) of my ducks in a row. But the past, yeah, it likes to pop its ugly little head up from time to time, and I hate that. I am so far from the person I was 3 years ago, it makes me shudder to remember what I put myself through. I was a broken idiot, and I spiraled for a long time.
Scribbled by Hilary at 6:09 PM