Sunday, April 14, 2013


I met a friend for late night appetizers and a beer tonight, just to hang out and catch up since it's been a little while since we'd been able to do that. Upon updating him of the last couple of weeks of my life and some shared stories between us, he proclaimed that I get too easily attached to people. Immediately, I began defending myself, and the subject quickly changed to something completely unrelated. But I keep thinking about what he said, and realizing how true that really is. I'm not sure why I find myself getting so close to people so quickly, but I think it's something I need to work on. As a result of my attachment, I end up taking things personally that I know shouldn't be, and getting my feelings hurt by people who shouldn't have that sort of power over me.

Since my separation from Jesse, I've gone on lots and lots of dates. Realistically, more than I could probably remember or count. Of all of those dates and people, I've only found myself having true feelings for one person that have stuck with me for several months now. I'm not confident that anything will ever come of that particular friendship, but it's nice to think and wonder about. Sure enough, I've felt little flutters from other dates I've been on, but they quickly dwindled or the chemistry was never there, yet somehow I still find myself getting attached, no matter what. How do you change that? How do you tell yourself to chill out and just let things happen as they happen? I feel like I need a guidebook on dating and relationships. Any suggestions? No seriously, I feel like I'm a confused girl in middle school getting flutters when any cute boy's eyes happen to cross me, and that's just not sensible for a grown woman.

I have much more to say, but it's got to be saved for another day. 11:25pm and my eyelids are feeling heavy and begging to close. Update soon, I promise.

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